Why, when your child is about one, and most things are getting under control, do you suddenly hit the bizarre and often unprompted stage of separation anxiety?  Having been happy to stay with Granny or the childminder for months and months, suddenly when you turn to say goodbye, its as if she's never had all those great, happy mornings with Grandad and it's as if you've never left him before!  It's confusing, frustrating and rather unsettling for you both!

Well, firstly, separation anxiety is a perfectly normal part of childhood development.  There is nothing we can do to control it...but there are certain steps we can take to keep it under control.

It happens because at around 6 - 7 months, babies learn about permanence. They learn that things are still there even when they can't see them.  It's the same with parents, when the little ones can't see Mummy or Daddy they know they're still there, but that they have gone.  Because babies have no sense of time, they don't understand that the parents will come back!  All they know is that you have disappeared.

You can't necessarily avoid tearful goodbyes or leg hugging as you are trying to leave, but here are a few tips to soften the blow:

1. Schedule separation after a nice nap or feed so your child is not feeling hungry or tired which might make them more clingy.
2. Try to use only one other carer, so use only one babysitter rather than a pool of different babysitters.
3. Practice separation a few hours at a time so baby gets used to it.
4. Have a routine when you leave so they know what to expect: try waving from a certain window, give a special kiss and hug or beeping your car horn as you drive away... little things that will signal that you're going, and that you'll be back!
5. Encourage the carer to come to your home to look after your child in familar surroundings.  Or take a favourite toy, blanket or cup to the new house so there are famliar things around.
6. Remain calm and positive... babies can pick up your mood so keep it upbeat and don't run back if they start crying, it will only encourage more tears.
7. Make sure you tell your child what's happening.  They may not speak, but they may still understand your words.

It's common for babies to go through periods of 'clinginess' as they grow; it's rarely a serious issue, but you can help them to get through these stages.  Your likely to see stages of clinginess between 6 - 18 months.  At one level it can be quite flattering that your baby seeks protection from you by clutching onto your leg, but it can also become difficult for you!  Clinginess usually relates to 'separation anxiety', a fear in your baby that you are about to abandon them.  This could be when you meet with a group of friends, or when you are about to leave your baby by walking out of the room, or dropping them off at nursery.

Your baby's understanding of the world is evolving constantly, and early on they believe that if you are not in sight, then you do not exist.  As adults, this is a difficult view to comprehend and sympathise with, but babies really do have a self centered view of the world, where if it can't be seen, it doesn't exist.  You can help to change your baby's perception of the world by playing simple games like hide and seek and by practicing 'goodbye', leave the room, and then come straight back in again.  Peekaboo is a variant of hide and seek and also helps your child make sense of the world.

When you do have to leave your babies, don't sneak off and abandon them, say 'goodbye' properly and build trust so that they associate 'goodbye' with a promise that you'll return.  Talk to them and explain that you are going but that you will be back for them.  Even if your baby is too young to talk, he or she will be learning to understand what you say and they will begin to learn what you are saying to them.  Separation anxiety is rarely a problem but if you are worried about your baby and how they cling, then do speak to health visitor or GP for reassurance - there are plenty of professionals who will be able to help you.